When Susie* fell in love at 17, she knew she’d do anything for her partner, even if that meant handing over her last $5. But when her son was born and a few borrowed dollars here and there turned into violent and controlling behaviour, she knew she had to escape. Now 24, Susie understands that love means never having to ask for access to your own money.
Danielle Miller reports for Body + Soul.
When I was 17, I met my ex-boyfriend and got pregnant. So I left school and moved in with him.
The financial abuse started almost immediately. He’d ask for money for drugs and alcohol, there was always something.I didn’t think much of it at first, even if I was handing over my last $5. I thought it was just what you did for people you love.
He completely controlled the money. He even got into the banking app on my mobile phone and changed the password so that only he could access funds. He also took the Centrelink parenting payments I received, and wouldn’t allow me to buy disposable nappies because they were “too expensive”. Using cloth nappies was hell.
I grabbed whatever clothes and toys I could fit in my car and left. I had my son – and a lot of outstanding bills.
We lived in crisis accommodation for six months. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You almost find comfort in living with an abusive partner because that’s all you know. I didn’t really understand how to be on my own. I’d text my mum to say,“Hey, I’m just going to the shops.” She’s reply to explain that I didn’t have to tell her where I was going or seek permission. I was so used to justifying everything.
One thing that was pivotal was seeing a financial counsellor after seeking support from the Brisbane Domestic Violence Service. I didn’t even know it existed. My case manager set up payment plans and negotiated with creditors. I paid off all my debts, which was so empowering.
Jasmine Opdam, solicitor at Redfern Legal Centre’s Financial Abuse Service NSW, says: “Taking steps to reclaim your financial independence can provoke an abusive partner, so it’s vital to be supported and make a safety plan before leaving. You have the right to request information from a bank about accounts in your name, including debts. Many people don’t realise they have the right to request hardship assistance if they’re struggling to meet repayments.”
Read the full story here. (20 October 2020).
*Names and all identifying details have been changed to protect identities.
See also
Financial independence is the hidden red flag of domestic violence no one talks about
