While it’s now widely acknowledged that domestic and family violence that manifests in a physical form is abhorrent, and comes with legal ramifications in keeping with its capacity to destroy lives, our understanding of a less obvious form of abuse is yet to catch up. I’m speaking of financial abuse – a sinister and potentially lethal means by which a person seeks to control their partner in an insidious and often dangerous way.
To help shine a light on this frequently misunderstood form of domestic abuse, Body+Soul is uncovering the heart-wrenching stories of Australians who have been directly affected by this – and to share their tales of survival as well as impart practical advice to help others.
At Roia Atmar entered an arranged marriage, relocating from Pakistan to Perth to live with her new husband. Being in a country where she was unable to speak the language made it even harder for her to reveal the abuse she endured in the following years.
Now free, Roia uses her voice to help people understand why a lack of financial independence is the hidden red flag that we should all be talking about.
When I was 14 years old and living in Pakistan as a refugee from Afghanistan, my family arranged for me to marry an Afghani man. He lived in Australia and flew over for our wedding. A few days after the ceremony, he took me back to Perth to live with him there. I was a frightened girl with no idea what marriage really meant. I didn’t know how to speak English and I’d left all of my family behind.
Once we arrived here in Australia, he wouldn’t let me go to school. He kept me isolated at home. I hadn’t realised he was claiming Centrelink payments for me, as I never knew a support like that existed. He made all the purchasing decisions and he even bought my clothes. Within a year, I had my first child– a son – and the physical abuse started soon afterwards.
In our culture, you wouldn’t think to leave the father of your child. Instead, you tell yourself to try harder not to make your husband angry. One night in 1997, I woke to feed my daughter. When he started yelling atme, I asked why he spoke to me like that. He got so furious that I’d dared to speak back, he went to the kitchen, found a bottle of turpentine, threw it at me, and then set me alight. I received second- and third-degree burns to 35 percent of my body. Even though he had burns on his hands, no-one thought to question him.
He said my scarf had caught fire, then he watches over me in hospital for days so I couldn’t tell my nurses or doctors he’d hurt me. But from my scars came a blessing. My family visited me in hospital and I told them what really happened. The police were called. I was believed. And he was convicted of causing grievous bodily harm and sentenced to 12 years in jail.
Jasmine Opdam Solicitor, Redfern Legal Centre’s Financial Abuse Service NSW, says:
“No person is immune from financial abuse, regardless of their age, gender, sexuality, wealth, education or cultural background, however, women are reported to be the most affected – particularly migrant women. Cultural and gender norms may make it more difficult to identify financial abuse.
Many clients we see at Redfern Legal Centre don’t identify that what they’ve experienced is financial abuse. Even once a person recognises that they’ve experienced it, they may not know where to look for help or even know that help is available. Language barriers make the process of speaking out about financial abuse and seeking support even harder."
It’s important for people to be aware that free, confidential and culturally sensitive legal advice is available from services like Redfern Legal Centre’s Financial Abuse Service NSW, community legal centres and Legal Aid. Free interpreters are also accessible through these services.”
Read the full story here (Body + Soul, 20 October 2020)
See also
Body + Soul Editorial
You should never have to ask for access to your own money in a relationship
Financial independence is the hidden red flag of domestic violence no one talks about
Body and appears in print in The Sunday Telegraph (NSW), Sunday Herald Sun (VIc), The Sunday Mail (Qld), Sunday Mail (SA) and Sunday Tasmanian (Tas).
